Steph's Blog

Friday, July 30, 2010

AI Falls Apart But No Worries....Fishy Porn Is On The Way!!!

Finally! The demise couldn't come quickly enough...for me at least. I HATE American Idol. It's ridiculous. Ok, so it was novel the first couple of years but I can't take anymore. Enough is Enough! This show has done nothing but create a franchise of other "idiot" shows such as America's Got Talent while destroying the spirit of TRUE musicians who play in bars their whole lives and take "free gigs" every week for exposure as they do their best to get discovered. The true Dumbing of America can be found on FOX.

But finally, after 9 seasons we are seeing the demise! I'm overjoyed. Get a funny Jew to actually SCRIPT something in its place when it is gone. Remember Seinfeld anyone? E News this week brings us rumors of ousted judges and possible replacements. With Simon gone this train will start slowing. Judges are flipping and the talent is waning. DIE DIE DIE already.

TMZ has confirmed that judge Kara DioGuardi has been ousted. FIRED. Good Riddance you uppity model wannabe. AI is going back to a 3 judge panel and the tent cards read Randy Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, and Steven Tyler! Ok, so I hate AI but I might tune in to see Steven Tyler try to make sense or appear sober on national tv. THAT could be fun. Ellen has stepped aside claiming it's just not a good fit. So, season 10 looms large...nah. I call it the LAST season. Nobody cares anymore.

If you're upset about losing American Idol I've got some cheery news for you. To ease the blow of losing your favorite show, I give you news of another celebrity sex tape. :) You're welcome. Although, I'm not sure you want to see this one. Montana Fishburne is set to star in a porno flick for Vivid Entertainment due to be released later this summer. If the name rings a bell it's because you're thinking of her pops, Laurence. Yep, the 19 year old daughter of Apocolypse Now, Boyz in the Hood, Higher Learning, The Matrix fame is spreading it all and baring it all in the hopes of breaking into the biz. One question...why not ask daddy for a legitimate role? I'm sure he could talk to somebody. But, ya gotta give it to her. She's a grown up and independent. LOL! When asked why the decision to do porn, Ms. Fishburne said, "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think alot of it had to do with the release of her sex tape." I can't completely disagree with this logic but I can say that the fact that she is beautiful and has tons of celebrity friends didn't hurt. I'm not sure if you've seen Ms. Fishburne but let's just say the pores on her face should also NOT be seen on any kind of screen. She looks alot like Daddy. Um...gross.

On that note...have a great weekend! I hope we here at BBSD haven't ruined any porn fantasies. Why don't you fix the image of Laurence in a wig by going to see SALT. I know I'm on my way in 5,4,3,2.....

Friday, July 23, 2010

Bret Michaels is My Hero

Hold on to your bandanas. I've got SHOCKING news. Authorities pulled over Bret Michaels's two tour buses Wednesday night in northeast Indiana and drug-sniffing dogs allegedly found marijuana and other unspecified drugs onboard. GASP! FAINT! Bret Michaels has drugs? Well, it would explain the over decorated head ornamentation. According to the 47 year old crooner's publicist the charges were handed over to the Dekalb county sheriff's office for review. No arrests were made and the situation was handled professionally. The kicker? The bus convoy was pulled over due to a missing plate on a music trailer. The lesson here? Be smarter than Bret Michaels. If you're gonna be a rock star and carry your drugs around....check ALL ASPECTS of your vehicle! Don't have a missing plate, a light out, a busted blinker, an out of date registration sticker, etc, etc, etc. You would think this would be basic information. WTF? Bret Michaels? I have to give it to the Dekalb county police officers who scored the charges. It's kind of cool that they didn't arrest anyone. I'm sure they were somewhat starstruck. I would be. Here's how that conversation would go:

"Oh my God..Mr. Michaels! I'm so sorry for pulling you over and interrupting your travels! While we're here on the side of the road would you sign my (insert body part here)?" By the way...I know him from Poison but the extra autogrpahed napkin for my little brother would be from Rock of Love fame. My how careers arc. ;)

Kudos to you, Mr. Micheals. You've survived one helluva career. Hell, you've survived one crazy ass YEAR! You've stroked out, had a brain hemmorhage, rallied on Oprah, and bounced back to tour. Now, you've survived the Dekalb county Po-Leece.

Now....about that gateway drug.....

Friday, July 16, 2010

News Babes, Oil Caps, and Crazy Mel Gibson

Maybe we rushed to judgement on Mel Gibson, America. Turns out there is a "long trail of evidence" that suggests his former best girl Oksana Grigorieva demanded more than $10 million for the safe return of the recent tapes we've all been addicted to lately. According to TMZ Mel's lawyers will be meeting with LA county officials to present physical evidence such as emails from Oksana to Mel demanding cold hard cash for the taped rants. There is also evidence to suggest that Oksana damaged her own teeth before claiming Gibson punched her in the face. Hmmmm. I smell alot of fish, here. It's all a twisted mess and nobody will ever know the REAL story. That said, as sad as it is we all have enjoyed laughing hysterically as we drive down the road listening to almost every radio station play clips of his recent breakdown. I guess you could say Mel Gibson is a true entertainer both on and off screen.

Speaking of the screen....I'm watching CNN and they are covering the story about BP FINALLY getting the oil capped in the gulf. Well, thanks BP. It only took ya 3 months. Oh well, nothing we can do to change history so there's no point in pissing and moaning over what's done. We should all just be thankful this spill has been capped while we wait for the REAL solution. The relief well is being drilled as we speak and it stands as the final step in this ungodly cluster-F. Now, it's time to move forward and begin the cleanup. It will take 50 years (as some experts report) to completely recover in terms of physical clean up. Economical clean up? Who knows. I say we all take a vacation to the Gulf this summer to help stimulate things. Just don't order any shrimp for now.

I have also just noticed that everyone delivering my news today is insanely HOT. When did this happen? When did the prerequisite to become a journalist become "playboy bunny hot"? Did I miss this somehow? Maybe I'm used to hearing my news from men. When I grew up it was Peter Jennings, Dan Rather, and Ted Koppel. Now I see names like Candy, Erin, Brooke....
I feel like I'm getting my information from the retired girlfriends of Hugh Hefner. I should have been more beautiful. Damn.

Speaking of Hugh Hefner......

Listen the the latest LSS and BUY THE BOOK. That is all. Have a good weekend, friends. :)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Big Bad Crocodile Tears

If you've been hiding under a rock you need to come out. Life is passing you by. For instance, Lindsey Lohan received her sentence yesterday in a California courtroom. Miss Lohan cried big bad crocodile tears and leaned on her counsel's shoulder as Judge Revel read aloud her least for the next 6 months.

Lindsey is to report to jail for 90 days beginning on July 20th. After the initial 90 day stint she will be headed to a 90 day inpatient recovery center for alcohol and drug abuse. If you ask me this NEEDED to happen. She has been given every opportunity in the WORLD and has chosen the wrong path again and again. She is a girl in trouble. She is a girl lost. She is a girl in need of direction. I applaud our justice system for giving her direction and a chance to clean up her life. It may not be the most comfortable way to turn things around but the alternatives sure don't look good.

You can't deny she's reached the bottom...her fingernail read F*#K U. I realize we have the right to express ourselves, but you don't do that in a court of law. Especially if you're trying to make a good impression on the judge. You come in a suit with clean nails and a come looking like a respectable part of society. Even if, in reality, you're not. So there you have it. Good going, Judge Revel. Thanks for doing the right thing for Miss Lohan. Thanks for treating her like any other individual passing through your system. It's time celebretards learn they are just PEOPLE when it comes to the law. They are not above it and they can' t use their status to pass GO and grab that get out of jail card.

So, enjoy your stay Lilo. I hope you take this time to consider what a beautiful life you've been throwing away. I wish the best for you and I truly hope this is an opportunity to start over.
Who knows, maybe when you get out we'll actually know who LeBron James will pick! ;)

Bon Voyage...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Spy Who Didn't Shag Me and A Week of Movies

WTF? Russia? The Cold War ended in 1991 but I guess you didn't get the memo. Does the Warsaw Pact ring any bells? Guess not. If you've been hiding under a rock then you have no idea that we've been invaded by Russian spies. Yup...spies. It's weird to think they're still out there. I don't know about you but when I hear the word spy images of the 1950's come to mind. Spies exist in history or in cinema, right? I guess I need to take off those rose colored glasses I referenced last week because apparently they DO exist and they're watching us. Not to fear, though. We're watching them just as close if not closer. Kind of brings to mind movies featuring Matt Damon, Will Smith, Daniel Craig, or James Mason (The Deadly Affair-1966) doesn't it?

Watching the news these days puts me in the mood to grab some popcorn and watch a buff hot guy beat the hell out of somebody while wearing a trenchcoat. However, the ugly truth is that this is honestly a serious deal. It seems Obama's "Reset" plan with Russia isn't working. I'll give it to the Reds. They sure know what Americans like. They picked a hot red head to ingratiate her way into the most exclusive social circles in New York. Give a girl a good dye job, a push up bra, and a mysterious accent and men will spill all their secrets. Nice going, Russia. I guess we're not that hard to figure out. Hell, watch one episode of the Real Housewives of any given city and you know how to yank our chain.

Currently there are 10 individuals in custody all charged with espionage. The main focus has been on Anna Chapman who's given name is Anya Kuschenko. Um..clue one. ;) That Russia is continuing to spy on the US was a little surprising to me given that for the most part our relations have cooled to a level I would describe as tolerable...perhaps even somewhat friendly. But, I'm finding out in the many news articles I've read that spy operations are "back at Cold War levels" with both Russia and China. As one coworker put it, "The Cold War never ended. We just quit throwing things at each other." Food for thought as we watch this unfold.

In much less threatening news, I was off for five days last week and I dedicated my time to catching up on my movies! It was really too hot to do much else. Here's what I watched and a few thoughts on each one.

Shutter Island - Decent flick starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Michelle Williams. Twists and turns are fun even though they're predictable. Leo pulls off some great acting (as usual) and Martin Scorsese delivers nothing less than stellar directing and cinematography. Netflix it.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus - Wow. This was a colorful, beautiful, out there film and I loved it! From the mind of Terry Gilliam (Monty Python) this film features Johnny Depp, the beautiful Lily Cole (naughty model from London), Jude Law, Christopher Plummer, and the late Heath Ledger. Look for a mystical plot and beautiful costuming. No spoilers here but Netflix this one for sure!

Lars and The Real Girl - Loved it! I saw a documentary on weirdos who can't seem to connect to real people. In order to fill that void they form intimate relationship with what's called a Real Doll. Yes, this really happens. Thanks, BBC, for the education. Ryan Gosling plays the lovable yet effed up lead named Lars. Bianca, his stoic love interest, is played by...well, Bianca. Let's just say she's pretty plastic. The plot follows the ups and downs of Lars and his lady love, how his family deals with his perceived break with reality, his "treatment", and the real girl who just might save him from his lonely illness. Great flick. Funny, heartwarming, and a little odd. Not quite a chick flick but pretty close. Netflix it.

Marie Antionette - Gorgeous. This one is old but somehow I missed it. Guys won't like it. It's just an excuse for us girlies to live vicariously through Kirsten Dunst and play dress up in incredible French gowns. This movie obviously follows the life of Marie Antionette. The costumes and sets are absolutely breathtaking. It feels a tad like Moulin Rouge as director Sophia Coppola uses current music as the soundtrack to Marie's life. There is very little dialogue but the expressions and actions tell the story superbly. If you're a girly girl Netflix it. If you're not then skip it. This one isn't for guys and probably wouldn't pass for mixed company either.

There you have it movie lovers. Next week: Alice In Wonderland. I don't have a fancy smancy 3D television so I am curious how it will translate in regular old HD. Either way I'm excited to see Depp. I love love love that guy.

Tune in to the Larry Stanley Show this Monday as we'll be discussing which one of us would make the better spy! Also, who has the Bitch of the Week and I've got tips on how to be happy even though America came in low on the list of Happy Countries according to Gallop. Why so glum? You're life might suck but I guarantee you this: one listen to our show and you'll feel better about you in no time! ;)

Peace friends...even if you're Russian!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

SushiPaLooza and Celebrating Life

I didn't blog Friday because I'm trash.'s true. I'm fun, smart, witty, beautiful, and an all around awesome as shit girly girl. But, I can't seem to remember to blog every week. Damn it...maybe if I had more feedback from my lovely followers. If I felt more loved I might feel more obligated to grace you with my thoughts every week. ;) Probably not.

So, I worked like a turk (I've heard that my whole life from old people and never really investigated what it meant. Sorry if you're a Turk and offended...but I also really don't care) ALL week. I pulled serious overtime and even had to drag ass in after a night of drunken tambourining on Saturday morning. I hate seeing 8:00 am on Saturdays. Ugh. I guess I should be thankful. At least I have a job to go to and bitch about. Something like 9% of the country can't say that right now. Anyway, there are no excuses for not blogging like I'm supposed to but I'll go ahead and try using that. It was just a long, hard week. But like they hard-play harder. So, that's just what I intend to do.

After my Saturday of tech work at the firm my wonderful Huburban and I headed to Granbury, Tx to stay the rest of the weekend with my long lost buddy from elementary school. Josh Garza and I had been the best of buds "back in the day" but as with most people from your past we lost contact after school ended. But big shout out to Facebook because we discovered each other after about 10 years of space. Little awkward at first but after about 30 minutes it was like we were 13 again and sitting on the band bus laughing our asses off at EVERYTHING. Thankfully, my Huburban (that's Josh's pet name) ended up making a great new buddy, too. It was an AMAZING night.

Suddenly the stress of life and work and bills melted away as the three of us rolled our own sushi and made a terrible mess with sticky rice, raw salmon, avacados, and imitation crab meat. lol . Did I mention beer...lots of beer. I think it's official. Once a year we'll all get together for SushiPaLooza, guitar picking, and some good brew. It's 11:oo am Sunday...I've just cleaned the sushi mess (that was worse than working on a Saturday for the Corporate Man) and we're downing our first cups of coffee. In about an our we'll jump in the pool and float the rest of the weekend away.

This is a little different blog than usual. No WTF?'s, no celebretard gossip, no movies to shows to plug. Just a snapshot of my weekend. However, as you read this I do hope you take something away from it. Hopefully as you read this you're healthy and at least somewhat happy. :) For the first time in my life I'm being faced with illness and death. I've had a good 30 year run of wearing rose colored glasses. Nothing BAD has really ever happened to me or those I love. Sure, elders have passed and been sick but they were was "their time" as they say. But now I am having to take the glasses off and examine life. There are things in life we don't expect to happen. There are things in life that suck. There are things in life that hurt. But we can't let these things kill our drive, spirit, hopefulness, and love. Things in life that seem so big and cause stress probably aren't as bad as they seem. Your boss, your bills, your flat tire, your Saturday overtime, your relationship BS....none of it really matters. What matters is that you're alive, healthy, and given a new chance at life EVERY day you wake up. Maybe this is the "lesson" I am supposed to learn....maybe you have already learned this. If you haven't then let's learn it together.

I'm going to go play now. I'm going to float in the pool with my wonderful husband who I love more than anything in this world and my rediscovered best friend. Yeah...I have to get up early and go to work..ugh. Yeah, I've got bills in the mailbox that I can't pay right now. Yeah, this week will be busy and I'll be tired. But, I'm thankful for all of it and TODAY... It's time to play. ;)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Wild Weather and E News. WTF?

So, I harken back to my younger days when the coolest movie in the world was Ghostbusters. It is one of my favs of all time...even still. Lately I can't help but think of a line that Ernie Hudson delivers to Dan Aykroyd. They're in the Ecto 1 discussing how busy they've been lately. Winston Zeddmore (Ernie Hudson) asks Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) if perhaps they're so busy because the dead are rising....a sure sign of the end of the world. Well, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the same thing these last few weeks. Not because there are ghosts in people's refrigerators, but because the world seems to be falling apart. Isreal, hurricanes, oil spills, solar flares, floods in Arkansas and Texas (recently), global warming, new diseases, and a seemingly never ending war. I gotta tell ya...if I hear ONE more person tell me we're in the last days....

I don't want to discuss religion and I definitely don't want to knock anyone's faith. So, I won't. I'll just say there is such a thing as natural science, too. The sun has had "solar storms" for millions of years. Our time on earth is but a paragraph in a book written by the universe. We're small. We're tiny. We are a blip on the radar. It's not a sign God is on his's just a cycle the sun goes through. It's time to flare so let her flare. It doesn't have to be related to GOD. WTF?

So if flooded in Arkansas last night. It floods all the time all over the earth. WTF? It rains. Simple. Just rain. No reason to start building an ark.

War? People do it. We create it. War is sadly a part of the human fabric. As far as the Middle East...well, they've been fighting for centuries and will continue to fight long after we're gone.

Hurricanes and volcanoes...again, a natural occurance in our weather pattern. The air is unstable and our crust shifts. It's called meteorology. Science.

Now, again...this is not a religious discussion. I just don't see how EVERYTHING that has happened this year has to be tied somehow to God being pissed off and coming back. Frankly, if I were that pissed at us I WOULDN'T come back! lol. I'd sit on my throne with my magnificent beard and look down at all us fools and just say...WTF?

Now, if anything is going to trigger the second coming it's Hollywood. That place is the real Sodom and Gomorrah! E News this week will be wilder than any weather pattern or solar storm.

Here's a tease:

Lindsey Lohan accidentally sets off her SCRAM. HAhahaha....yeah. And I accidentally ran that stop sign downtown this morning. Honestly, Lindsey. WTF?

Shannon Price is out for Gary Coleman's entire estate. She is claiming she should get everything.
Tune in to the LSS to find out how she just might pull this off. She is truly a horrible person. Hey Shannon...WTF is up with your grill? Ewww.

Good girl January Jones has been implicated in a 3 car hit and run. Maybe she truly went MAD.

Michael Douglas is trying to make up for all of Hollywood's shortcomings. He was spotted giving a homeless man a huge wad of cash. I think he's suspect of all the crazy happenings in the world and is trying to make up for it. Way to go, Mikey. Thanks for showing me there is still humanity out there.

Be sure to tune in to the LSS this week to get the full scoop and hear what shenanigans we've been into. :)