AI Falls Apart But No Worries....Fishy Porn Is On The Way!!!

Finally! The demise couldn't come quickly enough...for me at least. I HATE American Idol. It's ridiculous. Ok, so it was novel the first couple of years but I can't take anymore. Enough is Enough! This show has done nothing but create a franchise of other "idiot" shows such as America's Got Talent while destroying the spirit of TRUE musicians who play in bars their whole lives and take "free gigs" every week for exposure as they do their best to get discovered. The true Dumbing of America can be found on FOX.



But finally, after 9 seasons we are seeing the demise! I'm overjoyed. Get a funny Jew to actually SCRIPT something in its place when it is gone. Remember Seinfeld anyone? E News this week brings us rumors of ousted judges and possible replacements. With Simon gone this train will start slowing. Judges are flipping and the talent is waning. DIE DIE DIE already.

TMZ has confirmed that judge Kara DioGuardi has been ousted. FIRED. Good Riddance you uppity model wannabe. AI is going back to a 3 judge panel and the tent cards read Randy Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, and Steven Tyler! Ok, so I hate AI but I might tune in to see Steven Tyler try to make sense or appear sober on national tv. THAT could be fun. Ellen has stepped aside claiming it's just not a good fit. So, season 10 looms large...nah. I call it the LAST season. Nobody cares anymore.

If you're upset about losing American Idol I've got some cheery news for you. To ease the blow of losing your favorite show, I give you news of another celebrity sex tape. :) You're welcome. Although, I'm not sure you want to see this one. Montana Fishburne is set to star in a porno flick for Vivid Entertainment due to be released later this summer. If the name rings a bell it's because you're thinking of her pops, Laurence. Yep, the 19 year old daughter of Apocolypse Now, Boyz in the Hood, Higher Learning, The Matrix fame is spreading it all and baring it all in the hopes of breaking into the biz. One question...why not ask daddy for a legitimate role? I'm sure he could talk to somebody. But, ya gotta give it to her. She's a grown up and independent. LOL! When asked why the decision to do porn, Ms. Fishburne said, "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think alot of it had to do with the release of her sex tape." I can't completely disagree with this logic but I can say that the fact that she is beautiful and has tons of celebrity friends didn't hurt. I'm not sure if you've seen Ms. Fishburne but let's just say the pores on her face should also NOT be seen on any kind of screen. She looks alot like Daddy. Um...gross.

On that note...have a great weekend! I hope we here at BBSD haven't ruined any porn fantasies. Why don't you fix the image of Laurence in a wig by going to see SALT. I know I'm on my way in 5,4,3,2.....

Bret Michaels is My Hero

Hold on to your bandanas. I've got SHOCKING news. Authorities pulled over Bret Michaels's two tour buses Wednesday night in northeast Indiana and drug-sniffing dogs allegedly found marijuana and other unspecified drugs onboard. GASP! FAINT! Bret Michaels has drugs? Well, it would explain the over decorated head ornamentation. According to the 47 year old crooner's publicist the charges were handed over to the Dekalb county sheriff's office for review. No arrests were made and the situation was handled professionally. The kicker? The bus convoy was pulled over due to a missing plate on a music trailer. The lesson here? Be smarter than Bret Michaels. If you're gonna be a rock star and carry your drugs around....check ALL ASPECTS of your vehicle! Don't have a missing plate, a light out, a busted blinker, an out of date registration sticker, etc, etc, etc. You would think this would be basic information. WTF? Bret Michaels? I have to give it to the Dekalb county police officers who scored the charges. It's kind of cool that they didn't arrest anyone. I'm sure they were somewhat starstruck. I would be. Here's how that conversation would go:

"Oh my God..Mr. Michaels! I'm so sorry for pulling you over and interrupting your travels! While we're here on the side of the road would you sign my (insert body part here)?" By the way...I know him from Poison but the extra autogrpahed napkin for my little brother would be from Rock of Love fame. My how careers arc. ;)


Kudos to you, Mr. Micheals. You've survived one helluva career. Hell, you've survived one crazy ass YEAR! You've stroked out, had a brain hemmorhage, rallied on Oprah, and bounced back to tour. Now, you've survived the Dekalb county Po-Leece.

Now....about that gateway drug.....

News Babes, Oil Caps, and Crazy Mel Gibson

Maybe we rushed to judgement on Mel Gibson, America. Turns out there is a "long trail of evidence" that suggests his former best girl Oksana Grigorieva demanded more than $10 million for the safe return of the recent tapes we've all been addicted to lately. According to TMZ Mel's lawyers will be meeting with LA county officials to present physical evidence such as emails from Oksana to Mel demanding cold hard cash for the taped rants. There is also evidence to suggest that Oksana damaged her own teeth before claiming Gibson punched her in the face. Hmmmm. I smell alot of fish, here. It's all a twisted mess and nobody will ever know the REAL story. That said, as sad as it is we all have enjoyed laughing hysterically as we drive down the road listening to almost every radio station play clips of his recent breakdown. I guess you could say Mel Gibson is a true entertainer both on and off screen.

Speaking of the screen....I'm watching CNN and they are covering the story about BP FINALLY getting the oil capped in the gulf. Well, thanks BP. It only took ya 3 months. Oh well, nothing we can do to change history so there's no point in pissing and moaning over what's done. We should all just be thankful this spill has been capped while we wait for the REAL solution. The relief well is being drilled as we speak and it stands as the final step in this ungodly cluster-F. Now, it's time to move forward and begin the cleanup. It will take 50 years (as some experts report) to completely recover in terms of physical clean up. Economical clean up? Who knows. I say we all take a vacation to the Gulf this summer to help stimulate things. Just don't order any shrimp for now.

I have also just noticed that everyone delivering my news today is insanely HOT. When did this happen? When did the prerequisite to become a journalist become "playboy bunny hot"? Did I miss this somehow? Maybe I'm used to hearing my news from men. When I grew up it was Peter Jennings, Dan Rather, and Ted Koppel. Now I see names like Candy, Erin, Brooke....
I feel like I'm getting my information from the retired girlfriends of Hugh Hefner. I should have been more beautiful. Damn.

Speaking of Hugh Hefner......


Listen the the latest LSS and BUY THE BOOK. That is all. Have a good weekend, friends. :)

Big Bad Crocodile Tears

If you've been hiding under a rock you need to come out. Life is passing you by. For instance, Lindsey Lohan received her sentence yesterday in a California courtroom. Miss Lohan cried big bad crocodile tears and leaned on her counsel's shoulder as Judge Revel read aloud her future...at least for the next 6 months.

Lindsey is to report to jail for 90 days beginning on July 20th. After the initial 90 day stint she will be headed to a 90 day inpatient recovery center for alcohol and drug abuse. If you ask me this NEEDED to happen. She has been given every opportunity in the WORLD and has chosen the wrong path again and again. She is a girl in trouble. She is a girl lost. She is a girl in need of direction. I applaud our justice system for giving her direction and a chance to clean up her life. It may not be the most comfortable way to turn things around but the alternatives sure don't look good.

You can't deny she's reached the bottom...her fingernail read F*#K U. I realize we have the right to express ourselves, but you don't do that in a court of law. Especially if you're trying to make a good impression on the judge. You come in a suit with clean nails and a bun...you come looking like a respectable part of society. Even if, in reality, you're not. So there you have it. Good going, Judge Revel. Thanks for doing the right thing for Miss Lohan. Thanks for treating her like any other individual passing through your system. It's time celebretards learn they are just PEOPLE when it comes to the law. They are not above it and they can' t use their status to pass GO and grab that get out of jail card.

So, enjoy your stay Lilo. I hope you take this time to consider what a beautiful life you've been throwing away. I wish the best for you and I truly hope this is an opportunity to start over.
Who knows, maybe when you get out we'll actually know who LeBron James will pick! ;)

Bon Voyage...

The Spy Who Didn't Shag Me and A Week of Movies

WTF? Russia? The Cold War ended in 1991 but I guess you didn't get the memo. Does the Warsaw Pact ring any bells? Guess not. If you've been hiding under a rock then you have no idea that we've been invaded by Russian spies. Yup...spies. It's weird to think they're still out there. I don't know about you but when I hear the word spy images of the 1950's come to mind. Spies exist in history or in cinema, right? I guess I need to take off those rose colored glasses I referenced last week because apparently they DO exist and they're watching us. Not to fear, though. We're watching them just as close if not closer. Kind of brings to mind movies featuring Matt Damon, Will Smith, Daniel Craig, or James Mason (The Deadly Affair-1966) doesn't it?

Watching the news these days puts me in the mood to grab some popcorn and watch a buff hot guy beat the hell out of somebody while wearing a trenchcoat. However, the ugly truth is that this is honestly a serious deal. It seems Obama's "Reset" plan with Russia isn't working. I'll give it to the Reds. They sure know what Americans like. They picked a hot red head to ingratiate her way into the most exclusive social circles in New York. Give a girl a good dye job, a push up bra, and a mysterious accent and men will spill all their secrets. Nice going, Russia. I guess we're not that hard to figure out. Hell, watch one episode of the Real Housewives of any given city and you know how to yank our chain.

Currently there are 10 individuals in custody all charged with espionage. The main focus has been on Anna Chapman who's given name is Anya Kuschenko. Um..clue one. ;) That Russia is continuing to spy on the US was a little surprising to me given that for the most part our relations have cooled to a level I would describe as tolerable...perhaps even somewhat friendly. But, I'm finding out in the many news articles I've read that spy operations are "back at Cold War levels" with both Russia and China. As one coworker put it, "The Cold War never ended. We just quit throwing things at each other." Food for thought as we watch this unfold.



In much less threatening news, I was off for five days last week and I dedicated my time to catching up on my movies! It was really too hot to do much else. Here's what I watched and a few thoughts on each one.



Shutter Island - Decent flick starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Michelle Williams. Twists and turns are fun even though they're predictable. Leo pulls off some great acting (as usual) and Martin Scorsese delivers nothing less than stellar directing and cinematography. Netflix it.



The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus - Wow. This was a colorful, beautiful, out there film and I loved it! From the mind of Terry Gilliam (Monty Python) this film features Johnny Depp, the beautiful Lily Cole (naughty model from London), Jude Law, Christopher Plummer, and the late Heath Ledger. Look for a mystical plot and beautiful costuming. No spoilers here but Netflix this one for sure!



Lars and The Real Girl - Loved it! I saw a documentary on weirdos who can't seem to connect to real people. In order to fill that void they form intimate relationship with what's called a Real Doll. Yes, this really happens. Thanks, BBC, for the education. Ryan Gosling plays the lovable yet effed up lead named Lars. Bianca, his stoic love interest, is played by...well, Bianca. Let's just say she's pretty plastic. The plot follows the ups and downs of Lars and his lady love, how his family deals with his perceived break with reality, his "treatment", and the real girl who just might save him from his lonely illness. Great flick. Funny, heartwarming, and a little odd. Not quite a chick flick but pretty close. Netflix it.

Marie Antionette - Gorgeous. This one is old but somehow I missed it. Guys won't like it. It's just an excuse for us girlies to live vicariously through Kirsten Dunst and play dress up in incredible French gowns. This movie obviously follows the life of Marie Antionette. The costumes and sets are absolutely breathtaking. It feels a tad like Moulin Rouge as director Sophia Coppola uses current music as the soundtrack to Marie's life. There is very little dialogue but the expressions and actions tell the story superbly. If you're a girly girl Netflix it. If you're not then skip it. This one isn't for guys and probably wouldn't pass for mixed company either.

There you have it movie lovers. Next week: Alice In Wonderland. I don't have a fancy smancy 3D television so I am curious how it will translate in regular old HD. Either way I'm excited to see Depp. I love love love that guy.

Tune in to the Larry Stanley Show this Monday as we'll be discussing which one of us would make the better spy! Also, who has the Bitch of the Week and I've got tips on how to be happy even though America came in low on the list of Happy Countries according to Gallop. Why so glum? You're life might suck but I guarantee you this: one listen to our show and you'll feel better about you in no time! ;)

Peace friends...even if you're Russian!