Friday, April 30, 2010

Michael Jackson is Gay, Chelsea Handler Has a Sex Tape, Tito Ortiz Beats Up Chicks, & Where The Hell is ParentBook? WTF?

It's been a week of WTF? both in the media and in my own life. I can't tell you how happy I am that it's almost over! I'll save the gory personal details of hospital visits and 2 attempted suicides (not MINE) and get straight to OTHER people's screwed up lives. ;)

Michael Jackson is still making news after almost a year of being 6 feet under. Of course, everyone out for their 15 minutes that had anything to do with him or his entourage has come forward to get theirs. Now, there's this guy. Jason Pfeiffer, the former assistant to MJ's dermatologist Dr Arnold Klein, has come forward claiming he was the Pop King's boyfriend. "We were very close," Jason reveals in an interview. "I know we loved each other. I know he told me that all the time. I told him that all the time. I believe that he was probably my soul mate."
Jason goes on to describe Michael as a "very intimate kinda guy. Very passionate. Very sensual..." Here's the kicker on this one...Dr. Klein claims to have walked in on them shirtless and halfway in the act! He backs up his assistant's story and says he feels they were very in love. WTF? This just gets weirder and weirder. I can't wait for the next installment.

Chelsea Handler made a sex tape. Yup. You heard me. Chelsea Handler made a sex tape. Now, I haven't see it (yet) but I hope to GOD Chuy isn't in it. Here's the kicker. She claims the whole thing was a joke. WTF? Chelsea Handler? Really? I mean, let's think about this. You're not the hottest or youngest lady on the strip. So, you need to do everything to keep your career going. I get that. So, you release a sex tape because we all know right or wrong sex with further your career and boost your ratings...even if just for a while. You really had the right idea.....until you clained it was all a JOKE! WTF? I totally wanted to check this out which would have led to me tuning into your show on E! just to see what (if anything) was said but now that I know it's a joke I could care less! You got this one backwards honey. Take a lesson from Pam, Paris, Kim, etc. Check out RadarOnline.com if you want the details. They say it is a mix of stand up and sex and that the tape was sent to agents as a demo to book comedy gigs. That's kind of funny to me. LOL. What's the thought process? I'll do some of my routine and if it sucks it won't matter because the next shot is money. They'll be so turned on of course they'll call me! Hahahah. WTF?, Chelsea.

Ok, speaking of sex tapes...hahaha. Jenna Jameson accused hubby Tito Ortiz of domestic violence this week. We've all seen the pics on TMZ and read the charges. But now Jenna says she can prove Tito Ortiz was lying when he accused her of being high on OxyContin during their fight Monday that left her with torn ligaments in her shoulder. On the day of the incident, Tito's attorney said, "Jenna has been fighting a battle with OxyContin addiction for the past year. For Tito and her family this has been an uphill battle. Unfortunately this morning she had a relapse. Tito was trying to help her. She has threatened suicide before. Tito has done everything in his power to protect her privacy and the privacy of their children." Well, that's great lawyer speak but the elephant in the room is the fact that Jenna countered by allowing herself to be tested for 10 major drugs the very next day. She came back clean as a whistle. Hmmm. WTF? Tito. Sounds like you just lost your temper, gave her a smack, and then tried to cover your ass with the she was high on drugs and I was trying to calm her excuse. Hey dude, even if you were telling the truth you don't use enough force to tear ligaments when you're calming somebody down. You're big. She's tiny. Get it? A fews days to cool down and now Jenna is stating that what actually happened "has now been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted". AH...so we were mad and said some smack and now we've had time to cool off so you blame your public for "misinterpreting" your claims. I see. Thanks for clearing that up, Jenna. WTF? Can we just get our stories straight?

Where the HELL is ParentBook? Seriously. The day that parents started getting on Facebook is the day all the rest of us should have gotten off. It's a lose lose situation. I mean, first of all it was created for STUDENTS IN COLLEGE. Oh goody! Finally we have a social network for ppl our age. It's OURS. Folks like me and my friends all migrated from Myspace over to Facebook in large part due to the fact that any old body could sign up on Myspace but Facebook was specifically for us. The social network for young folks typically in the same spot in life. College, dating, bar hopping, graduating, first jobs, first marriages...OURS. Then, they made the ridiculous mistake to open it up to ANYONE. Our haven had just been taken away. SIGH.
WTF? Facebook.
I think you know where I'm going with this. Opening it up to All takers just complicates things. Now we have to worry about the same shit we worried about on Myspace. Elementary kids can sign up. That is retarded. Now all the sexual predators can check out 2 fun sites. WTF?
Bosses, coworkers, your preacher...ENOUGH! It's so awkward to have to "Ignore" that friend request from the D-Bag in the next cubicle. He's just waiting for that confirmation that you know will never come. Sad. You don't want work people tracking your every move...TRUST ME. If you don't agree then just wait for the day you play hooky and forget about all your coworkers that are on FB. Unless you can convince them you had a sore throat and a horrible fever the whole time you were at the lake you're screwed!
Then...there's parents. Aye Aye Aye! I got a request from both of mine and that is a terrible place to be. My life is not an open book in that regard. So what's a girl to do? Well, she accepts it and censors herself as long as possible but the reality is the facade can't last forever. So, you get relaxed and then post something about being out until 5 am partying then suddenly mom is commenting that you're an alcoholic. Or, your page is monitored for new guys leaving comments...why so many? Who is that? Are you living with someone? Oh and the worst is when they friend YOUR friends. There's a reason I don't hang out with YOUR friends...same applies here. Bottom line: for me FB is no different than hanging out in my living room or at the bar with all my friends. I don't do that with my parents..and you don't either. There are certain aspects of life none of us want to share with our folks and if they think back far enough they will remember that feeling. I'm sure my bf doesn't want her mom to know she's had at least 3 one night stands and enjoys a good drunk crawl in her neighborhood from time to time. But one day somebody will mess up and post a comment not even thinking that her mom and dad look at her page and BOOM....DRAMA! So what's the cure? ParentBook. Yup. Give us our bar back...and find your own. Go post pics of grandchilren, pets, vacations you can afford, news links to whatever you're watching on Larry King, who won the Little League game that week...whatever. As for the kids we're starting to see...same deal. How about SchoolBook? I don't want to log in and wonder if the friend request in my inbox is from a 15 yr old. I'm sure all my guy friends feel the same. Look, we just want our Cheers to remain ours. Don't get me wrong, we all love Mom and Dad...and our little bros/sisters. We still want to see Mom and Dad. We owe them a great deal. But being watched constantly at 30 is just not healthy...or fun for us. ParentBook is a great idea.

Friday, April 23, 2010

WTF? and a Few Things to Think About

It's FINALLY Friday and as always THANK GOD (or whoever the hell you choose to thank). I choose to thank the Universe because it has this way of keeping Monday-Thursday rolling. ;)

I was sick all week and ended up taking a "Personal" day yesterday to relax and stuff my brain full of soap operas. It was nice to sleep in until 11:00. It was nice to listen to it rain. It was nice to suddenly feel better and head to the mall, too. So it got me thinking...what would life be like if I were a stay at home wife? I can't be a stay at home mom because we all know I've knotted up all the plumbing but a stay at home wife could be cool. I'm not a career woman. I didn't grow up burning my bra and chanting about equal rights in the workplace for women. Don't get me wrong...it's a good thing. We girls are smart, capable, strong, and just as driven as any man. But, I just never saw myself climbing the corporate ladder. I don't want to break "glass ceilings" or sport a pair under my office appropriate knee length skirt. I want to be FREE. I want to volunteer for animal organizations and organize charity events for military veterans. I want to entertain and learn how to bake. I want to have the perfect Christmas tree in the Winter and the perfect flower bed in the Spring. I want to take back my individualism I'm known for. I want to have a puppy and the TIME for it. No, I'm not lazy. I challenge anyone that says getting up at 5:00 am every day to go to a place I semi like to deal with people I semi don't all the while keeping up with the LSS, blogging, house work, lawn maintenance, body maintenance, and still fitting in time for weekend singing gigs and hot tub fun LAZY. I just don't identify my self worth with my work title and what I "DO" anymore. By the way, does anyone else absolutely HATE that question? You meet somebody for the first time and the first question is always, "So, what do you DO?" I always want to say something bitchy like, "I live."

So, basically I want to be a stay at home mom...without the kid! How do I do this? Well, I either wait for Rusty to strike it big or we start buying powerball lotto tickets. Which leads me to my WTF? of the week.

If you haven't heard the $258 million dollar powerball was claimed today by a 29 year old Missouri HICK of the highest order. Christopher Shaw claimed the winnings today and it coudn't have happened to a needier person. Kid had $28.00 in his checking account until payday. He has 3 kids, not many teeth, and just bought a 1998 Ford Ranger from a buddy who is nice enough to let Shaw pay him the $1000 asking price in $100 monthly installments. Talk about livin' in hard times.

Shaw said he needed a few days to decide whether he will keep his minimum-wage job at the store where he has worked for just three weeks. WTF? Here's some advice, kiddo. QUIT and use some of that money to get yourself some help managing this new wealth of yours. Get some teeth, get some edumacation, set some funds up for those 3 kids (and make sure they have teeth, too) and do all of this before you get to pimpin' that trailer. ;) If it were me...I'd run for the hills in a SECOND! I'd be doing all the things I mentioned above. Like...YESTERDAY.

If Shaw takes the lump sum it comes to a payoff of $124,875,122. I don't think most of us can imagine that amount of money. It's hard to wrap your mind around it. So what would you do?
Shall we entertain that fantasy??? Or is it just sad because eventually you have to wake up and go back to work? SIGH.

Friday, April 16, 2010

The World of WTF?

It's been an interesting week in the world of WTF?.

For starters did you know there is toilet paper for sale in Miami for $9 a roll? It has the likeness of Hugo Chavez on each square. $9? Really? This is true idiocracy. Better yet...it's idiocraZy. I'm not paying $9 to wipe my sensitive parts...even if they do smell like roses. No thank you. I'll stick with Scott or Charmin. I tell you what WOULD sell even for $9 a roll. If you could customize your pooper paper to have your boss on it. Now THAT would sell. ;) WTF Florida?

Then there's TLC's crown jewel 19 Kids and Counting which follows the lives of the Duggar's and their brood. Here's the WTF? moment for me. You have 19 kids. I can't begin to understand that since I could care less about having just 1. But I'll play along. You have 19 kids. That means A.) it ain't even right down there by any stretch (no pun intended) of the imagination and B.) there's probably several C-Section scars so please don't sport a bikini a la Kate Gosselin EVER and C.) (here's my WTF?) the title of the show states AND COUNTING. Does this mean 19 isn't enough? Does it mean you're under contract to spit more out if you want to keep your TLC money? I'm already blown away by the 19 kids part but WTF? is with the And Counting?


Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva, his Russian musician-singer girlfriend and mother of their 5-month-old daughter, have split after over a year of dating. Well, did anyone really expect them to make it? Just because you have a kid doesn't mean you'll stay together. Not in Hollywood and not even in the "real world" these days. So here's my WTF? with this story. Why is this news? Does anybody really care? Mel is a crazy old basterd these days and any woman stupid enough to have a kid with him is just that...stupid. I bet she won't even get any money because I can't even think of the last great movie he made and I'm sure all that awesome Lethal Weapon cash is long since gone. So, good luck sweet thing. Oh, side note. WTF? is up with your mouth. You kind of look like an Octomom wannabe. Maybe that's why he's gettin' out of dodge. WTF? news...pick a better story next time.

And here's my favorite. I have braces again. I'm 29 damn it. Braces? WTF? teeth? Why did you have to go and screw me like that? I did this once already. I was 14 and it was perfectly acceptable to look like a 14 yr old geek with braces back then. It totally sucks to look like a 14 yr old geek with braces when you're pushing 30! But alas...I'll be thankful and happy in a year when I have a Hollywood smile. Until then...this hurts and sucks. WTF?

Since this is getting a tad surly and that's normally not my style I better head out. In order to soothe the pain in my mouth I think I'll grab some wine and hit Sullivan's in Addison tonight. My fav tribute band is playing..Hard Night's Day. Here's the great thing. I'm going with my orthodontist. Now THAT is full circle.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Wowsers! WTF?

WTF? America? Really? Seriously? This is a cosmic joke, right? Larry Stanley told me that Tiger Woods would return to golf amidst roars of cheers and loud clapping. I disagreed. He said Tiger would return to the course and play his best game ever. He told me fans would be there in force and he would play like a champ all the while erasing the public's memory of his recent sexual odyssey. No way in HELL I argued. 18+ women and Elin looking sad on the cover of every tabloid in America? No. This just wouldn't happen. I thought for sure he would tuck himself away for the next year and let some other sex scandal story pop up and take his thunder. I thought he would do his little rehab stint, let Elin take what she wanted and get out, and lay low. Maybe next year we'd see him on the course. Yes, this is what would happen. Surely he has excellent PR people telling him the same thing? You have to be out of the public eye for a while before you can make a comeback. Right? Well, I was wrong. I'm so glad I didn't put money on my opinion and bet against the gambler. He usually wins and he called this one again. Wow, America. I thought golf was the boring family sport. You know...the sport reserved for dads to share with sons while they have lessons on ethics and family values in between holes. The sport that the old rich white dudes played while their caddies held their scotch and cigars. Apparently I was wrong about that, too! I guess I should take a look at golf in 2010 instead of what's in my mind...which is apprently 1910. Ha.

Tiger rolled out to Augusta and was received by the loud banging of hands clapping, screams of encouragement, cheers, and laughter. He played a great game and with the exception of a few funny banners seen overhead; he was warmly welcomed back to the fold. Wow. What a short memory you have, American public. I am a little shocked. Not that I judge or really even care to be honest. I just think that those of you who do care (you'll remember I don't care about much if you read last week's blog) would take a stand. I would have liked to see some sort of protest! For entertainment value if nothing else! He is a sexual deviant by some standards and has made a total ass out of himself and his family. He's ruined at least 18 lives not counting his own and Elin's. He has hurt his mom and used his father's voice (shameless) for some sort of pathetic comeback Nike ad that screams have sympathy for me...I'm wounded and need forgiveness...WTF? You, sir, are a douchebag of the highest order. I hope those stories of you being tied up to a tree and beaten as a 1st grader are true because at least it's a good excuse as to why you're so screwed up as an adult.

And nobody at the Master's seems to care! Nope. We just cheer and watch him swing that golf club and by doing so we slowly allow him the long climb back up that pedastal he is so used to perching on. WOW. WTF?

Enough about Tiger. I'm just getting pissed.

WTF? I have to empty out my purse and desk now. Why? Because now the FDA is telling me that all the bottles of hand sanitizer are bad for me and are jacking with my hormones. Ha..hey maybe that's what happened to Tiger! He must have bathed in these hormone altering cleansers.
So you think you're doing the world a favor by slapping a quick dab of GermX or Bath and Body Works sanitizer between the 'ol palms a few times a day. You feel good about killing flu germs and cold viruses. It's a great feeling to smell the ethyl alcohol wafting from your hands after you touch that public restroom door or the buttons on your office elevator that you know the fat chick that smells like Whataburger on 38 just pushed. You are a winner in the fight against uncleanliness. Until today. Today you're a sucker because CNN just reported that all those strides we were making towards a cleaner world are just making us sicker. The reason is two fold. A.) the chemicals used in manufacturing these products appear to elevate hormone levels which cause all kinds of unnatural chemical reactions in the body. B.) Germs are smart. All we're really doing is causing them to evolve and resist our attempts to kill them off. They get stronger and we get sicker. Then what happens? We buy more sanitizers. Great. Thanks, SC Johnson and Proctor and Gamble. WTF?


And now the kicker. I hate reality tv. I detest it. It is stupid. If I want that much drama in life I'll just pull some overtime with these crazy asses. No. Give me a well written sitcom with a PLOT. I'm done.

Until Last Night. GASP!

I have discovered Kirstie Alley's Big Life on A&E. I have discovered it and it is amazing. I am hooked! I can't figure this one out but I love it! Maybe it's the fascination of seeing the once beautiful and thin "Rebecca Howell" from Cheers be FAT and also be open and honest about it. Maybe it's the fascination of how well she lives...off of Cheers (?) money. Either way I absolutely love it. It's almost like she's still relevant when you watch it. She's funny, smart, witty, goofy, and REAL. Well, here's what A&E have to say about it:

"Kirstie Alley has emerged as one of the great actresses of her generation, proving time and again that she is capable of great depth and range, with a comedic timing second to none. Alley is currently shooting “Kirstie Alley’s Big Life,” a docu-series for A&E, which chronicles the many aspects of her extraordinary life, from her battle with weight loss to her role as a single mother trying to raise two normal teenagers."

http://www.aetv.com/kirstie-alleys-big-life/

Well, I don't know about all that...great actress of her generation...hmmm...


BUT, I do know that I, Stephanie Quinn, is hooked on a reality tv show. GASP (again). Remember, I HATE this genre so WTF?

Friday, April 2, 2010

I'm Not Surprised

I'm really worried about myself. I am experiencing a shift into the wonderful realm of...apathy. It's truly alarming how much I just don't care. Let me explain.

This week the news from around the world was less than pleasant. In Germany the Catholic church just can't seem to keep their pants on when little boys are around. In a statement from the "Church" the archdiocese said that a priest accused of molesting boys was given therapy in 1980 and later allowed to resume pastoral duties, before committing further abuses and being prosecuted. THIS SHOULD PROVOKE SOMETHING. Rage, sadness, the instinct to protect children...something! Oh and Pope Benedict, who at the time headed the Archdiocese of Munich and Freising, approved the priest’s transfer for therapy. So, you're telling me the current Pope not only knew this guy was dangerous but allowed him to transfer and continue abuse? Some might say give him a break...he went through therapy. I say, once a pedophile always a pedophile. But alas...I really didn't care.

Next story CNN splashed across the screen was about a fifteen year old girl who took her own life back in January because of bullying at school. Pheobe Prince, who had recently moved with her family from Ireland to South Hadley, Massachusetts, hanged herself on January 14 after enduring what Northwestern District Attorney Elizabeth B. Scheibel described as "a nearly three-month campaign of verbally assaultive behavior and threats of physical harm toward Phoebe, on school grounds, by several South Hadley High School students." SHOULDN'T I BE PISSED OFF? Where were the teachers? Surely somebody had to have noticed. What about other students? Did anyone report it? What bothers me about this is the fact that I stared blankly at the television and thought, "Ugh..that sucks." That's all I thought.

Then there's the new video game in Japan called RapeLay. I'm sure the title gives it away but (just to clarify) players get to sexually assault/attack a virtual girl. Players can grope their virtual subject, lift her skirt, assault her sister, invite "friends" to join in and in a series of graphic, interactive scenes, you can corner the women and rape them again and again. The game allows you to even impregnate a girl and urge her to have an abortion. You would think that as a woman I would be highly disturbed by this but what is more disturbing to me is that I just could care less. The thoughts running through my head as the reported described the violence included phrases like "Who Cares?", "I don't live in Japan or play video games..."

These are all horrible stories that should have stirred some sort of reaction or emotion. I find it more upsetting that I don't feel the need to picket something or create a group in protest or support on Facebook. All I really want to do is change the channel.

This is dangerous. I hope it's not just me. I don't know when it happened but I can say that it wasn't just overnight. Of course, maybe it's not apathy....maybe it is desensitization to the world around me. Think about it. We are slammed with violent images and sad stories from all over the globe daily thanks to 24 hour news organizations like CNN, FOX, MSNBC, etc. So what happens to your heart when you see it all the time and it isn't a shock anymore? Exactly this. You become an emotionless seemingly lazy individual without the capacity to FEEL.

The next question is how do we reverse this conditioning? Perhaps the first step is to TURN OFF the news and maybe go outside. Perhaps this weekend instead of sitting around not caring about the world around me I will do one thing to impact society in a positve way. I don't think anything will ever shock me again but maybe I can change how I react to the news around me. Is anyone else with me? Hey, why don't we start a Facebook group against not caring!

Don't laugh...it's a start!